Me again. I understand that there is another holiday on the way. New Years. Okay, a few questions. First, do we need a new one because someone broke the old one? If so: it wasn’t me. (Unless by “year” you mean Mommy’s necklace. That was totally me.) Next question: does this holiday mean I get boxes wrapped in shiny paper. No? Well, then honestly, what’s the big deal?
Stocking stuffers. What a brilliant concept. If I celebrated Christmas, I wouldn’t even bother getting a tree. I would just buy each member of my family a huge, T-Rex-sized stocking. And fill it with lots of little things. Trinkets. Gadgets. Knick knacks. Honestly, this seems like more fun than the big stuff. Anybody with me? Anyone? (It was worth a shot.)
Jacob in a coffee shop (drinking water)
I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’ve figured out who the best parents are. Want to know?
Wait for it . . .
PEOPLE WHO DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE CHILDREN. These folks know everything about parenting. They can tell you exactly what you need to do to raise perfectly happy, healthy, well behaved children. I suppose we were ALL amazing parents once . . . before we actually had children. Back when it was just a hypothetical. And we still had time to read all those parenting books. And observe other parents. And make mental lists of all the things we’d never do when WE had children. Remember those days? (Does it hurt too much to remember when “me time” didn’t refer to a five-minute shower in the morning?) Funny how things change once the little ones arrive. Apparently, actual parenting is slightly more complicated than hypothetical parenting. At least that has been my experience. As a result, my husband Dan and I have caved in. And done a number of things we said we would never do. Here are just a few examples.
Before Jacob knew about Christmas
It’s that dizzying time of year. When everything MUST focus on the holidays. Even the ones you don’t celebrate. Like, Christmas. I realize that the majority of people in this country celebrate Christmas. But, my husband, Dan, and I are Jewish. So, we do not. Our four-year-old, Jacob, on the other hand, is seriously considering conversion. He feels woefully deprived. Not of gifts. (Read: Hannukah.) But of holiday bling. The lights. The tinsel. The sparkly “snow” on the limbs of a Christmas tree. The dazzle factor.