America, The Emma is deeply troubled. By the hate.
By all the hate that has been unleashed. Since some (a few?) Americans voted for Mr. Trump. Hate talk. Hate acts. Hate crimes. The Emma DOES NOT approve of this, America. Not. At. All. Not to state the obvious, but The Emma is all about LOVE. WHY THE FACE, AMERICA? I may be (brilliantly, refreshingly) critical. At times. (Most times.) But it’s all done with LOVE. (Capiche, America?)
What puzzles me is this. Mr. Trump is ALSO all about love. I know because he said it. Once. At a rally. Okay, he might have been smirking. But The Emma is pretty sure that Trumps does not have full control of his facial muscles (or his Twittering fingers), so I don’t put much stock in what he does with them. Anyway, for some reason the people who wanted Trumps to be president are celebrating with hate. Instead of love. (Or cake. As God intended.)
So, now hate crimes are happening. There are lots of mean words. And lots of scribbling on walls. But not scribbling pictures or poetry, the way The Emma does it. (BECAUSE THAT IS ART, PEOPLE.) Sometimes the hater does the mean talk on TV. Or in the newspaper. And sometimes the hater is someone who ran for president. NO, not that one. (It’s not always about YOU, Mr. Trump.) I’m actually talking about Mr. Ted Cruz. Do you remember Mr. Ted Cruz? In case you have been trying very, very hard to forget Mr. Ted Cruz– and it has been working– I will remind you. (Sorry, America. Did I say The Emma was all about love? I might have meant TOUGH LOVE.)
Mr. Ted Cruz is the one who looks like Cousin Larry from Perfect Strangers . . . minus the crazy hair.
Mr. Ted Cruz is in the photo on top. Cousin Larry is in the photo on the bottom, standing on the left. (America, be impressed that The Emma knows her right from her left. Also be impressed that she knows a character from a TV show that went off the air almost 20 years before she was born. Don’t overthink it.)
Cousin Larry wasn’t very funny. Frankly, he was pretty annoying. But he set up the jokes for Balki, the character played by the captivating Bronson Pinchot (*swoon*). In other words, “Cousin Larry” played the straight man. HOW. APPROPRIATE.
Mr. Ted Cruz is a STRAIGHT MAN who is getting ready to hate crime America. That’s right, people, I’m verbing it. He’s going to hate crime all over this beautiful country. Now, America, you are probably saying, “But Emma, NO ONE wanted him to be president. He lost the primary. Why do we still have to listen to him?” Well, America, apparently even if most of the people in your own political party decide that you are, in fact, worse for the country than the Trumps, you still get to be senator from Texas. Anyway, Mr. Ted Cruz is using his senator job to put forth a law called the First Amendment Defense Act. (I should say, he’s trying to do this AGAIN. It didn’t work the first time.) This (possible) law is a hate crime.
OH HELLS-TO-THE-NO, MR. TED CRUZ. How dare you take the name of The Emma’s favorite amendment and make it into something bad!?! In case you are unaware, America, the FADA would let people or businesses discriminate against other people. If those other people happen not be straight. Like Mr. Ted Cruz.
Mr. Ted Cruz is NOT all about love.
I’ll say this, America. During my four long journeys around the sun, The Emma has learned a thing or two. Put on your listening caps, because this one is really important. Behind hate is often fear. The Emma thinks that Mr. Ted Cruz is actually AFRAID of love. (The Emma suspects that, for him, this is not an issue that comes up too often.) The Emma believes that it makes Mr. Ted Cruz frightened when a boy loves another boy or a girl loves another girl. Why does that scare you, Mr. Ted Cruz? THEY. DON’T. LOVE. YOU. (Seriously, they don’t.) Are you afraid that the awesomeness of their rainbow love will give them a sort of superpower . . . ? Perhaps strong enough to overthrow an authoritarian government run by a pyramid of insanely rich white men who are riddled with conflicts of interest and have no real mandate from the people? HMM?
If not, why prevent them from hiring a decent caterer for their wedding? (To take just one example.)
I’ll be honest, America (if I may slightly digress) The Emma has mixed feelings about weddings. I find some of the traditions concerning. Covering the bride’s face? (THE EMMA DOES NOT BELIEVE IN WEARING ANYTHING THAT MAKES IT MORE DIFFICULT TO EAT CAKE.) Giving the bride away? (OFFENSIVE. AND SHORT-SIGHTED. DON’T BE SO EAGER TO GET RID OF THE ONE WHO IS IN CHARGE OF TELLING THE CATERER WHEN TO SERVE THE FOOD.) On the other hand, The Emma appreciates the opportunity to wear a fancy dress. And, the Emma also appreciates the glorious concept known as the “wedding registry”. (HELLS-TO-THE-YES.) And therefore believes there is potential to make the wedding experience more egalitarian.
But back to my point. Mr. Ted Cruz should not be pushing for laws that allow any business (or individual) to discriminate. To effectively prevent someone from hiring the caterer of their choice for their wedding. Or the best florist. Or the most qualified troupe of balloon-twisting, fire juggling, unicorns. (Just give it a minute to let the brilliance sink in.) Mr. Ted Cruz should not be opening the door for discrimination. Encouraging discrimination. Indeed, encouraging fear and hate. NOT ACCEPTABLE, COUSIN LARRY. NOT ACCEPTABLE. NOT IN MY AMERICA.
Where’s the love?
The Emma thinks America could use a bit more love. Right. About. Now. So, the Emma is sending you all a big Emma-sized-hug, America. (But not a kiss, because kissing all of you would just be inviting trouble during the cold and flu season. I’m sure you understand.)
Take heart, America. 2016 is almost over. And The Emma is working on a plan to spread more love in 2017.