Emma polishing her blog post
Hi again, folks. It’s me, your favorite pint-sized blogger. FINE, MOMMY. Your favorite pint-sized guest blogger. Whatever. I’m here to give you the REAL story about what goes on in our family. Put on your seat belts.
Now, let’s see, where did I leave off last week? Oh, yes. It was nearly lunch time and my big brother was usurping MY spot in Mommy’s lap. Don’t panic, people. I got him out of there. I gave Daddy a meaningful look . . . while screeching like a banshee. Daddy understood. He looked at the big kid square in the eye and said, “As you know, Jacob, Mommy’s lap is just for Emma. Not you. GET UP!” Jacob seemed surprisingly happy about all this. (Mommy claims that what Daddy actually said was, “Lunch time! Go wash your hands, Jacob.” Whatever. I’m willing to agree to disagree.)
GUEST BLOG TODAY BY MY ONE-YEAR-OLD, EMMA.
Hi, folks. I understand that Mommy has been telling you some stories about our family. WHATEVER. You wanna know what really happens in a house with two semi-competent parents, a sweet, lovable (let’s-just-go-ahead-and-use-the-word) brilliant one-year-old and the four-year-old they keep around for my entertainment? THE WAIT IS OVER.
The time has come to expose the seedy underbelly of . . . Mommy, why are you looking over my shoulder while I type? That’s just rude. As I was saying, I’m here to tell you what really goes on in our family. Let’s get started. A day in the life of Emma.
My four-year-old, Jacob, is no shrinking violet. Really, I’m thrilled that he is so comfortable in his own skin. But does he have to be so loud about it?
Case in point. We were at the neighborhood playground a few weeks ago. It was a warm, sunny day in early September. Lots of kids playing. Lots of parents milling around. Jacob sprinted to the top of the slide and belted out, “I’M HIGH AS A SANDWICH!”
Mother confession: my children are not bathed on a daily basis. Not even close. Don’t ask how often I bathe them. Because I will lie. Honestly, I have never understood parents who say that they give their children a bath each night as part of a “winding down before bed” routine. Really? So, do your children find screaming at the top of their lungs, “I WILL NOT TAKE A BATH!” relaxing? Mmm. Interesting. Then our children must be different.
Sleep. It somehow comes to define so much of the first year with a baby. Will the baby sleep? Will I sleep? Why won’t the baby ever sleep? Will I ever sleep again? Am I currently awake or just having a really annoying dream?
Jacob was (and sometimes still is) a horrible sleeper. As a baby, he needed an incredible amount of walking, bouncing, rocking, and soothing before we could even attempt to gingerly lay him down in his crib. And then the real fun began– trying to navigate the minefield of creaky boards in our nearly 100 year old house on the way out of his room. (Ah, memories.) Thing was, even if we made it out safely, it was virtually assured that Jacob would wake up again two hours later. And shriek at the top of his lungs. (“WHAT KIND OF MISERABLE PARENTS WOULD LEAVE ME HERE IN THIS WOODEN CAGE- with an adorable animal mobile- ALONE!?!”) The SUPER fun part of it all was that whatever trick we used to get him to sleep one week would inevitably expire and we would have to start from scratch figuring it out again the next week.